Monopoly
by Weird Al Ian
Summary: Princess is going for the whole kit and kaboodle this time...
1. Default Chapter

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Monopoly

In a city called Townsville, there were once four very powerful little girls. Three of them had superpowers, like being able to fly, shoot lasers from their eyes, and have everybody love them in spite of doing many foolish, destructive, and even bad things. But they were good most of the time. They were called the Powerpuff Girls.

Not everybody loved the Powerpuff Girls. They had enemies. They used their superpowers to fight these enemies and make Townsville a nice place to live. One of their worst enemies was the fourth little girl. Her name was Princess Morbucks. She hated the Powerpuff Girls.

Princess Morbucks had superpowers, too. She wasn't born with superpowers like the Powerpuff Girls were. Hers were different. One of her superpowers was having a rich daddy to buy her anything she wanted, because money was the most powerful power on earth. She also had the power to throw the worst temper tantrum you ever saw. She always got her way.

But this wasn't enough for Princess Morbucks. When she saw what superpowers the Powerpuff Girls had, she wanted them, too. Everybody liked the three little girls, but people didn't like her. This made her very angry. When the Powerpuff Girls told her she couldn't join them, she grew even angrier. She would show them!

First, she bought superpowers. But the super-powered suit wasn't enough to beat all three of the Powerpuff Girls together. Then she paid the evil monkey Mojo Jojo to give her superpowers with the same Chemical X that gave the Powerpuff Girls theirs. It worked, but not for long. Mojo Jojo accidentally took them away from her by shooting her with the Antidote X he was going to use on the Powerpuff Girls. This happened because everything Mojo Jojo did went wrong somehow. No one knew why, it just happened, like the sun coming up every morning.

Then, Princess Morbucks got superpowers for real by tricking Santa Claus. But those rotten Powerpuff Girls told Santa what she did, and he took them away and put her name on the naughty list, forever.

This made her so mad that she swore that she was going to be a Powerpuff Girl someday, no matter what. And when she was, she was going to be the boss of the Powerpuff Girls. Her daddy owned a big piece of Townsville, but she wanted to own all of it. When she owned all of Townsville and was leader of the Powerpuff Girls, then everybody would love her. They would have no choice.

One day, after watching the solid 24-carat gold edition DVD of _Aladdin_, she knew how she was going to get what she wanted. There had to be a _real_ magic lamp out there somewhere in this big world. And if there was, she would find it.


	2. 2

Princess Morbucks traveled the world in her daddy's private jet. She paid enormous bribes for information. She threw spectacular tantrums when a lot of that information was lies. She made horrible threats to the liars. And finally, she got what she was looking for.

She got out of the limousine and into the hot sun. Princess showed disgust on her face. It was just a run-down old shack in the middle of the Syrian desert, far away from her lush hotel suite in Damascus. The old man who told her to come here had better hope she wouldn't find him!

The building was made from earthen brick, and sat low to the ground. It had no windows that she could see. There was sand everywhere. It was blowing into her eyes. The place didn't even have a door. There was just a canvas flap over the entranceway. There wouldn't be any magic lamp here. Nothing but old junk, probably. Princess went inside anyway.

She was surprised by what she saw. It was dark, like she expected. The only light came from a few oil lamps scattered about. But it was nice and cool, instead of hot and dusty like she thought it would be. When her eyes got used to the dark, she saw treasures lining the shelves. There were gold, brass and bronze figurines of camels and other animals. There were beautiful scarves made of the finest silk. Patterned rugs of every size and color were hanging on the walls or sitting in piles on the floor. And there was a lot more, all neatly arranged, and the shop was clean, too. Princess smiled. Anything this nice out in the middle of nowhere had to be special. She knew she had come to the right place! 

"May I assist you?"

Princess heard the old shopkeeper before she saw him. He stood behind the old-fashioned glass counter. There were more treasures filling its shelves. He was very short, and wore plain dark trousers and a white shirt with a camel-skin vest. On his head, instead of a turban like the ones worn by many of the men she had seen, was a red and gold fez with a gold tassel. His moustache and short beard had turned gray to match his hair. He didn't smile.

Princess walked up to the counter. "Do you own this shop?"

"Yes, Miss. It has been in my family for generations. Now, what interests you?"

"I'm here to buy a lamp."

The old man smiled for the first time. He came out from behind the counter. "Ah! I have some fine lamps. Some are quite old and have a story behind them. Please, come this way!"

Eagerly, Princess followed. All of the lamps were in one place. There were maybe twenty, on three shelves. A few were new, polished brass ones. The rest were older. There were many different shapes, including a few that looked a lot like Aladdin's lamp.

"I'm looking for the magic one," she said.

The old man stopped suddenly. He turned around to face her, chuckling, "If I had a pound for every time I've heard that!"

"I'm not kidding!" Princess said, indignantly. She wasn't quite ready to get angry, yet.

The shopkeeper continued to smile. "That is a fable. There are no magic lamps."

He turned again, and picked up an antique brass lamp that had aged to a dull brown. He showed it to Princess. It was a very pretty oval-shaped lamp. It had intricate Arabian-life scenes etched into both sides.

The old man told Princess, "This one has a wonderful story behind it, and you may have it for only three thousand pounds."

Princess knew that was around sixty dollars. It was cheap. She could sell it for a lot more back home. Not that it would be worth _her_ precious time.

"Don't waste my time, old man. I _know _there's a magic lamp here. How much do you want for it?"

The old man fingered his moustache and smiled again. He walked back to his counter and went behind it. "Suppose you tell me, Miss, how much you would _pay_ for a magic lamp." 

Princess was ready to get angry now. "Stop wasting my time! I want that lamp, now, you camel jockey!" she screamed, stamping her foot.

"Camel jockey?" The old shopkeeper blinked at the insult. "There is no reason to be rude, little girl. I have no need for the money of someone such as yourself. Please leave my shop."

Princess wasn't that easily put off. "I'm not leaving until I get what I came here for!"

If there had been a window in the old shop, it would have shattered. The man could see that he was beaten. "Very well. I ask you again, what will you pay for such a lamp? When you find one…"

"When I find it, I won't have to pay you anything for it," Princess answered snidely.

"And why not?"

"Because," said the haughty little girl. "I'll find it by rubbing it, and when the genie comes out, then I'll have my three wishes, and you won't see a penny!"

"Ah, yes. The three wishes." The old man paused, as if remembering something. "If wishes were horses, beggars would ride…"

"And if wishes were fishes, I'd have mine fried!" shot the brat.

"You are buying nothing but trouble, little girl," the man said sternly. "I do not want trouble. But if you insist…"

He came out from behind the counter. Instead of going to where his lamps were, he disappeared for a moment, into a small back room. Its entrance was hidden by a large, hanging _bokhara_-style oriental rug made of lamb's wool. It was a deep ruby color, and it had a pattern of geometric shapes in ruby, black, white and gold.

_"Daddy has one just like that in his library,"_ thought Princess.

The shopkeeper returned, holding what looked to Princess like a small, dirty old piece of junk. It didn't look anything like Aladdin's famed lamp. But when she took a closer look at it, it wasn't a piece of junk. Princess knew gold when she saw it. The many gold items in this shop were all clean and polished. The old man didn't know what he had in his hands.

"This is what you want," he said, holding it tightly in both hands. "It may not look like much, but the _d'jinni_ inside chose it centuries ago for that very reason, so as to be left alone. It has brought great wealth over the centuries to whoever summoned it, but it has brought great, bad luck also. I ask you to reconsider."

"You're just trying to scare me!" snapped Princess. "I don't scare so easy. How much do you want for it?"

The old man paused before answering. "One million pounds," he said. 

That sum was around twenty thousand American dollars. Princess thought that this old man didn't see that much money in a whole year. But to her, it was nothing. That made her suspicious.

"Hey, wait a minute. If it's really a magic lamp, how come _you_ never used it? It's worth a _lot_ more than you're asking!"

The old man sighed. "All the riches on earth are not worth trouble. And I should be very glad to get rid of this thing. It came into my possession quite by accident, and though I have been tempted many times to summon the _d'jinni_, I have always resisted. My needs are simple. My asking price is fair to both of us."

"I'll pay four hundred thousand."

"Nine hundred."

"Five hundred."

"Nine hundred." 

Princess scowled at the man. "I thought you people were supposed to haggle. Six-fifty, and that's my final offer."

"I will take not a pound less than nine hundred thousand. But, I will tell you what. We both know the value if there is indeed a _d'jinni _inside. I will accept five thousand American dollars now. If a _d'jinni_ appears, you pay me the rest. If not, we are even."

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"Oh, goody!" Princess Morbucks thought. An antique gold lamp was a good buy at five grand, even if there wasn't a genie. But now she was sure there _was_. _"I win!"_

At that moment, on the other side of the world, the Powerpuff Girls and Professor Utonium were shopping. The girls had been extra-good lately, which meant they hadn't wrecked the house in over a week. So, to reward them, Professor Utonium took them toy shopping. Blossom wanted a video game, Buttercup a remote-control monster truck, and Bubbles got a new wardrobe for her Babsie doll. It proved she was the smartest of the three. The doll clothes cost a small fortune. Professor Utonium also bought a board game for them to play together. None of them had any idea of what Princess was scheming, halfway around the world.


	3. 3

Princess Morbucks came back into the old shop with a suitcase full of money. She opened it up and took out one of the many stacks of $100 bills that were wrapped with green wrappers that said '$5000' on them. The shopkeeper's eyes almost popped clear out of his head at the sight of all that money.

Princess closed the suitcase and put it on the floor between her feet. The shopkeeper wished that he had asked for more. The little _Yanqui_ could afford it. But he knew the evils of money, and was secretly glad he hadn't. He was secretly glad that the little brat would soon be gone.

"Give it to me!" Princess shouted.

He took the cash and handed her the lamp. He went back to his place behind the glass counter. While he deposited the money in his safe, out of sight of customers, she smiled and gleefully began to rub. Nothing happened. She tried again, rubbing the old lamp harder. Dirt came off on her skin, and the old gold underneath began to show through. It was real gold, too. But the sight didn't please her. No genie appeared.

Princess put the lamp down on the nearest shelf and strode to the counter. All those bribes she had paid to find this place, and everyone had lied to her. Now, this old man had, too. "You ripped me off, you liar! I want my money back!"

He didn't look at her. His eyes grew huge. His mouth opened, but nothing came out. He pointed to a spot somewhere over her shoulder.

Princess turned, and froze to her spot. Looming above her was a huge, pale-blue apparition. Its arms were folded, and its face, with a full, dark-blue beard, didn't look very happy. It scowled at Princess, and then at the shopkeeper. The rest of its huge-chested body trailed away, below the waist, to a thin wisp that ended at the opening of the lamp.

"Y-y-you're a…a g-g-genie!" Princess stuttered, in fright.

"Who has summoned me from my slumber?" growled the spirit in a deep, rumbling voice.

"Not I, oh Great _D'jinni_," the old shopkeeper mumbled, cowering slightly from the safety of his enclosed area. Princess was out in the open.

But Princess quickly got back her composure. "I did," she said. "My name is Princess Morbucks. _I_ summoned you, and you must grant me three wishes!" Her eyes burned with fire. The genie's reflections floated upon her dark eyeballs.

The genie's expression changed from a scowl to a wide smile, and he bowed grandly. "Your wish is my command!"

Finally, her dreams were going to come true! She was going to be a Powerpuff Girl, for real! And this time, nobody was going to stop her!

"All right, let's get down to business."

The shopkeeper cleared his throat. Princess turned around. "Yes?" she hissed. The genie scowled again.

"Begging your pardon, oh Great _D'jinni_, the man said in a trembling voice. "But the young girl and I struck a deal. She is to pay the remainder-"

"Pay no attention to the old fool," the spirit said to Princess, stopping her from telling the old man to shut up.

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"Yes!" she thought again. _" I win! I win! I win!!!"_

"All right, for my first wish…" she began, rubbing her hands together gleefully.

"Choose them wisely, young child," cautioned the genie.

"Oh, I have," Princess answered confidently. I know _exactly_ what I want! First, I want all the money in Townsville!"

The genie blinked and closed his eyes. He gave a short nod of his huge head. He opened his eyes and said, "Done."

"Excellent! Now, I want all the _property_ in Townsville!"

The act was repeated. "Done. Now, what is the third miracle you wish?"

Princess didn't hesitate. "I want-"

"If wishes were horses, beggars would ride…" interrupted the old man softly.

Princess spun around. "I wish you would-"

She stopped herself just in time. "Why, you," she growled. She turned back to the genie, who was again scowling at the shopkeeper.

"That was a nasty trick, I agree," the ghostly figure said pleasantly. "I would have given you that one, free of charge. Now, what is your final request?"

"I want to be a Powerpuff Girl!"

The genie's eyes widened. At the same time, the old man gasped. "No! Oh Great _D'jinni_, you cannot grant her that last wish! The power of a Powerpuff Girl is too great and dangerous to be trusted with such a creature as that!" His old finger pointed at Princess.

"Silence, fool!" shouted the genie. To Princess, the spirit said, "Your wish is my command. It is granted."

Princess waited for the feeling of power she'd felt those times before. It didn't come. "Hey! I don't feel different!"

The genie smiled. "When you have arrived safely at your home, and upon waking on the next day, you will have everything you have asked for. Upon my sacred honor, I say it is so!"

With that, the genie withered to a tiny wisp of blue, and disappeared altogether. The lamp, its home for centuries, was once again just a lamp. Princess picked it up, then turned to face the old man.

She picked up her suitcase in her other hand. "I was right," she sneered at the man. She tossed the lamp in the air and caught it. "I have my three wishes. Why should I give you another penny for _this_ old thing? I mean, it's not a magic lamp now, is it?"

"I was right, too," the shopkeeper said. 

"About what?"

"About what I said, about what you were buying. If you need a reminder, it will cost you the balance of what you agreed to pay me."

His words made Princess so angry that she forgot about the gold lamp she just paid $5000 for. She threw it at the old man's head. Luckily, he ducked. It knocked his telephone off the hook on the wall behind him.

"I wouldn't give you another cent for everything in this stupid place!"

Princess stormed out of the shop and got into the waiting limousine. She didn't have the lamp, but she had her three wishes. She ordered the driver to take her back to her hotel. The sooner she could get back on her daddy's jet was the sooner she could get home. Soon, she would control all of Townsville, as the fourth, and most powerful, Powerpuff Girl!


	4. 4

Princess Morbucks opened her eyes. She had arrived home the night before and gone to bed, ready for all three wishes to come true in the morning. But she didn't recognize the place she awoke in as her bedroom. She wasn't dressed in her nightgown, either.

She was dressed in her yellow Powerpuff suit. It worked! She was surrounded by piles of money. It worked! All around her were buildings and skyscrapers and deeds to property, all hers. It worked!

She didn't care that Townsville looked oddly strange, and not quite the way she remembered it. All she cared about was that the three Powerpuff Girls stood stupidly next to her, frozen, as if they were about to take flight, ready to battle something. Their expressions were half-angry, half open-mouthed, as if they were frozen in shock at finding themselves with a new leader. One named Princess Morbucks. As they _should_ be shocked!

"What's the matter, Blossom?" Princess sneered. "Cat got your tongue?"

Blossom said nothing, and neither did her sisters. They just stood there, motionless.

Just then, a large shadow loomed overhead. Princess looked up. It was a giant monster, attacking _her_ city! About to demolish _her_ buildings! To scatter the money in _her_ bank to the four winds! A giant hand swooped down, reaching for her. It blocked out the monster's face as it started to pick her up.

"Don't just stand there, you twits, help me!" shrieked the new leader of the Powerpuff Girls. But her underlings stood, frozen in shock.

"Professor!" screamed the Powerpuff Girls. He came running, and saw them sitting on the living room floor with their new board game spread out in front of them.

"Sorry, Girls, can't play right now, too busy," he said hurriedly.

"No, Professor!" Blossom protested. She was holding a game piece in her hand.

"Professor, there's something wrong with this game!" Bubbles cried.

"Yeah, you have to take it back and get us a good one!" Buttercup chimed in.

"Why?" he asked. "Looks OK to me."

Princess fired her lasers at the huge monster. Nothing happened. She tried punching her way out of its grip. She had no strength. And the stupid Powerpuffs were still doing nothing to help her!

It was then that she realized her terrible mistake. She shouldn't have wasted one of her wishes on money or property. She _was_ a Powerpuff Girl, but she hadn't asked for superpowers! Stupid genie!

It was also then that she remembered what the shopkeeper had told her, that she was buying nothing but trouble with her three wishes. She screamed at the top of her lungs, to no avail.

"Professor!" Blossom said. "They made the Princess Morbucks piece all wrong! She looks like _us!"_

"Huh?" Professor Utonium said. "The Powerpuff Girls Monopoly game doesn't _have_ a Princess piece! Let me see that, Blossom!"

Blossom handed it over, and he studied it. "By golly, they sure did!"

"Take it back, Professor!" Buttercup demanded.

"Take it back? Are you kidding? Girls, I'll get you a new game, but this one's not going back to the store. Why, it'll be a collector's item someday. This baby's going in my closet!"

Princess covered her ears at the horrible roaring of the pink monster. She could see it was pink now, because it had handed her over to an even bigger, white and black creature. Its roaring was even worse. But at least it put her back down on the ground. The stupid Powerpuffs were still standing there, looking just as stupid, and she shouted at them for not helping her. 

But then, something even more terrible happened! An earthquake struck Townsville! All of her buildings, her money, her property, the very ground itself, was lifted and dropped. She and the Powerpuffs were tossed roughly, where they landed next to Professor Utonium, the Mayor, even Mojo Jojo!

She yelled at all of them, to get up and do something! Townsville, _her_ Townsville, was being destroyed! Then, without warning, the white and black monster was lowering something flat, down upon all of them, blocking out the sun, forever…

On the other side of the world, the old shopkeeper walked over to his display of lamps. Carefully choosing one, he picked it up and smiled.

"Ah, very good! I will be less cramped."

The old man turned and looked to where the voice was coming from. Floating there before him was the genie. They looked at each other for a moment, then burst into laughter and slapped their hands together in a 'high five'.

The ringing of a telephone interrupted them. The old man went behind his counter and removed the receiver from the wall. He listened to the voice at the other end, then thanked the caller and hung up. The genie was looking at him, the bushy blue eyebrows raised in a question.

The shopkeeper smiled and said, "Well, old friend, another fool with more wealth than brains is on the way."

The genie smiled, and without another word, disappeared into the lamp that was still in the crook of the old man's arm. The shopkeeper disappeared into his back room for a moment, then came back out without the lamp. He began to casually dust off the wares in his neat little shop, readying it for the next customer, whistling to himself a carefree tune.

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End


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